I heard. . .
I guess it's time to learn to let go.
I wonder if Ellie will warm up to her. I wonder if Ellie still remembers me.

I told him I hate him.
I hate him for not wanting me.
I hate myself for still wanting him.

I had to tell him.

Fresh new car day!!

He has no idea

how much I loved him. how much I still love him.

fresh dancing the night away dreams. . . .

Fwd: Happiness

When we were together, I was happy & you weren't.
Now that we are apart, I'm miserable & I pray that you are finally happy. Are you?

Fwd: Everyday

I never sent this one. He would just roll his eyes.

Everyday
I think of you.
In the shower. Lying in bed. Watching tv. When I get a text message-i hope it's from you.
You have control.
You've always had control over me.
I hope your happy. I hope your happy with your decision. I still don't understand what went wrong. What I did wrong to lose you.
I got sick today. My parents are in town & I took them to ellicott city. I remember the spot where you first grabbed my hand. . . & today I got so sick to my stomach thinking of that moment & how we'll never hold hands again. How we'll never do anything ever again with each other. . .
Sometimes I just want to say the meanest things to you so you'll feel just as bad as I do. Sometimes I just want to hurt you so you'll still feel the pain like I do.
I thought I would be over you by now. I hate myself because I'm not. I hate myself for not being good enough. I hate myself for ever thinking there stood a chance for us to last.
Sometimes I just want to pound my fists into your chest & cry until I pass out from exhaustion.

Wow not even a bday fresh dream! Sorry. . . Just have so many mixed feelings when I think of u. & it was thoughtful of u 2 send the card but it seemed like it was 1 of ur generic cards. Guess I owe u an email 2 explain. . .
Thinking back 2 a year ago when you first told me about going to maggianos for my bday & now realizing it will never happen.

Fresh full moon dreams. . . .

Hope u & s-gal had a nice day. fresh spring like dreams. . . .

Thanks 4 the call! glad u had a chance 2 hang out with ur friends. drive safe! fresh coming home dreams. . . .

fresh

wow! that sucks! do u have the flu?? fresh feeling better dreams. . . .

Fresh hump day dreams. . . .

Fwd: I may be smart but I sure am stupid

I don't know why I have this feeling to write this now.
or why I'm even telling you this but I guess since I'm hurting you should know why.

i feel used.
i feel stupid.
I remember that drive to Roots one Sunday where you told me your history with Tammy.
and i believed you.
I believed you when you said you were over her.
and I felt sorry. I felt sorry for that other woman. the woman that you were dating when Tammy came back into your life and you had to break up with this woman.
I should have paid attention to my gutt feelings.
I knew one day I would be just like that other woman. You never even gave her a name. Will I be the same?
I knew you missed Tammy and the life you had with her when everything was still the same.
the same in the house. Every time I came over there she was.
Tammy was my only competition.
Her things still in the bathroom.
Her teddy bears in the bedroom and kitchen.
I tried to joke about the items in the bathroom so you would understand how I felt.
you moved them.
but just to the hall closet.
I know you tried with us. But no one will ever be able to fill her shoes.
DG asked you how life was like with another woman in the house.
I remember you told him it was no big deal. there had been other woman.
I always wanted to ask you who they were and what happened to them.
I knew deep down you weren't over her.
If you were you would have gotten rid of her stuff.
i asked you on Saturday if she was trying to move back in and have you raise the baby with her.
you wouldn't even say the word "no".
your only response to anything I asked was, "we need to refinance".
you won't ever say "no" to the idea of tammy moving back in because you still have hope.
that's why you could never call me your girlfriend.
on saturday you mentioned that she called you on your way home from my place that last time.
i thought she didn't have your cell number. guess you gave it to her so you can screen her calls.
you say I'm good enough but that I have learned is a bunch of bull crap.
i am good enough but just not good enough for you.
because I'm no tammy.
oh yeah and don't tell me you can't do the relationship thing. cause I know you can.
you just can't do it with me.
so i still feel stupid.
I feel stupid for having hope,
letting myself open up,
and letting myself fall flat on my face.
because I'm still questioning if, all the fun, laughter, memories and love, was worth it.

wow! homemade treats & oatmeal cookies! bet ur place smells good. fresh dreams. . . .

Fresh dreams. . . .

fresh beautiful starry night dreams. . . .

hope u r doing alright. fresh windy dreams. . . .

Ur best friend is with u right now. we more than likely had the same sort of day. fresh moonlite dreams. . . .

I didn't answer because i really don't know what my answer would b. BTW, u r VERY pretty!!! fresh dreams. . . .
I'm really sorry i hurt u . . . .

Hope ur having a great time & enjoying urself! i'll b talking 2 u 2morrow. b safe!! fresh dreams. . . .

Sorry that ur still sore. hopefully u will feel a little better 2morrow! enjoy ur show! fresh dreams. . . .

Sorry i fell. i'm just glad that it wasn't worse. take it easy 2night. fresh non-achy dreams. . . .

Kind of nice not having 2 figure out what 2 have 4 dinner isn't it? fresh pre-hump day dreams. . . .

Sounds like u've had a good evening so far! hope the rest of it goes as well. enjoy it! fresh dreams ....

Sounds like u've had a good evening so far! hope the rest of it goes as well, enjoy it! fresh dreams. . . .

Fresh super bowl dreams. . . . now that's creative. . . . : )

Fresh dreams. . . .

Glad u got out & went 2 the store. b careful walking sable, get 2 bed @ a decent hour, fresh dreams. . . .

Glad ur able 2 get home of ur laundry done, good night 4 it. hope u sleep better 2nite & have fresh dreams. . . .

Hope ur walk went well, enjoy ur evening, just relax & take it easy. fresh dreams. . . .

Hope u enjoyed ur sub! b safe on ur ride home. fresh dreams. . . .

& why wouldn't i want 2 hang out with u??? wow, i'm really f@&king wired!! fresh dreams. . . .

enjoy ur evening & i'll give u a shout 2morrow! fresh dreams. . . .

Enjoy the rest of ur evening! fresh dreams. . . .

Sorry i was blah, just kinda one of those days. hope u have a good walk, a nice evening & fresh dreams. . . .

hope u had fun, get home safe & enjoy fresh dreams. . . .

Hope u enjoy the rest of ur nite. it's going 2 b a fun weekend! stay warm, fresh dreams, nice hair . . . . .

The voodoo doc gave me some mojo 2 protect my weenie. sure hope it works! stay warm! fresh dreams. . . .

Hope s-gal does her business fast! fresh dreams. . . .

wow! is this the new u? enjoy ur walk, hope u get ur laundry done, fresh dreams. . . .

enjoy ur evening. . . chill. fresh dreams. . .

Please don't let him ruin ur nite. u broke up with him because u weren't happy. & u said the other day how less stressed u were. enjoy ur evening. fresh dreams

Looking 4ward 2 next weekend! hopefully it wasn't raining when u took s-gal out. . . thats if u've done it yet! fresh dreams. . .

enjoy ur evening & fresh dreams. . .

Fresh dreams!

hope u get a chance 2 relax some. fresh dreams. . .

Please b safe! hope u get a chance 2 just chill 2nite. fresh fartless dreams. . .

enjoy ur walk & the rest of ur evening. fresh weenie dreams. . .

2 pixs of e coming ur way. the 1st of the year past, the 2nd of what the new year holds, fresh undrama filled dreams. . . .

Wonderful way 2 start the new year! hope u had fun during ur brief stopover here. sorry mr. johnson turned out 2 b such a pus. have a safe journey home.